Fourth Grade Boys vs Girls

My long study thesis in the final year of my undergraduate degree was THE STUDY OF CHILDREN'S ATTITUDES TOWARDS MATHEMATICS WHILE WORKING IN A GROUP.  My findings showed a distinct difference between boys and girls in the upper elementary school.  Boys, irrespective of their ability level, are more likely to act out and draw attention to themselves in a social situation.  The witty retorts, the exaggerated actions and mindless noise making, are all part of their repertoire.  They feed on the attention and have little regard for the image they are portraying. Good or bad, attention is attention.  In math this allows them to jump in with a answer without fear of being wrong, and also without much thought.   In this way they are always part of the action, and in their mind, part of the solution.  The boys enjoy group work and their self-confidence grows.  

Girls do not mind working with others on two conditions: that they can lead the group undisputedly or are allowed to work independently within the group without having to share any of their work.  I notice girls who are unsure of their abilities become very quiet and shy in a social group situation. Other girls will take over in a "teacher" role, where they offer to help others appear to be doing a task without any hope of success. Either mode serves to hide the fear and uncertainty they feel when asked to solve a problem or perform a task. This fear of perceived failure keeps many students from the chance of learning within a group. 

I notice this with my 4th graders who come to the Media Center.  I find my attention drawn to the lively boys who are often way off target, and need constant redirecting. The girls shrink into the background and I hardly notice that they are quietly doing nothing.  Whenever I introduce a new tech project I am overwhelmed by the number of boys who ask me what to do and how to do it.  They haven't listened to directions, obviously.  When I lift my head to look past the boys, I see that the girls haven't moved and seem to have no intention of starting.  They are just waiting out their time till they are released from class.   I am discouraged by both attitudes.
We are now working on coding using a math site that allows them to program the movements of a turtle around the screen.  They need to learn basic programming to do this and become aware of angle degrees and distances.  I have given instruction on the basics, but students will need to do most on their own.  The boys are anxious to get going, while the girls are not even looking at the screen.  The boys crash and burn, ask for help and are throughly engaged. 

The girls... not so much.  If I take the time to check what they are doing, I find that most have cheated in some way, using an existing program, to make it appear that they know what they are doing.  They expect my praise, and are surprised when I ask them to start again, with their own work.  It then becomes apparent that they haven't a clue.  I have shamed them and they lose the little interest they had in the activity.
Similarly the boys will accomplish something quite by accident, and expect my praise. When I ask them to repeat the 'accident' or explain how they did it to someone else, they fail, and lose interest.
You see my struggle.  I have found some success with identifying one boy who has understanding of the task, encouraging his success, then letting him interact with other boys in the class.  I can't be certain of their outcome, but there will be something happening and some learning occurs.  I take on the girls singly or in pairs. They need step by step directions when no one else is listening.  They still want my approval and the chance to share their success with me only.  They don't want their work on show, neither do they want to discuss it with an outsider.  They quietly thrive on praise from me and independent success.
If there are 10 to 12 girls in a class, I hardly have time to go round and spend individual time with each one in a 20 minute class time.  But I hope to work towards the chance to build each girl's self-confidence. 
In my mind this tuba-wearing student is undoubtedly a boy, or at least one with the attitude of most boys I teach.  A girl would rarely take the chance to look a fool.  But the real question is not what the sex of this student is, but whether what they are doing will result in music education.  I am not about to debate the learning roles of girls and boys, nor advocate for single sex classrooms, I am looking for understanding into how I could use such a moment as a teachable moment for both boys and girls.